PARODY: Auditorium slated to get minor renovations

Key parts of the aging auditorium will be replaced with a karaoke machine and a puppet stage, school administrators announced over the public address system on April 1.

“Due to budget constraints, we will have to limit school districts’ abilities to perform requested upgrades,” read a statement from the governor’s office.

This announcement comes as the governor’s budget is being criticized for allocating $850 million for a new government building called the Legislative Stables. The stable would include fully operational facilities and a thoroughbred horse for every member of the Kentucky legislature, the governor and his staff.

As a result, the district could only find money to replace Boone’s aging auditorium systems with a puppet stage and karaoke machine.

While most student programs were unaffected by the changes, the theatre department and the choir program both have had to change plans.

Before the announcement was made, the Boone Spotlighters had announced that next year’s fall play would be “Hamlet.”

Spotlighters sponsor Alice Lambert is already working to adapt.

“The fall production next year will, without a doubt, be ‘Hamlet.’ However, all of the roles will be adapted into sock puppets,” Lambert said. “The show must go on.”

Junior Carrie Oakley is one member of the Spotlighters who is trying to be optimistic.

“Sure, we get really bad hand cramps from time to time, but for the first time ever, performances can now be held in performance spaces other than the auditorium,” Oakley said.

This was made possible because the new puppet stage was equipped with wheels, and the spotlighters are planning on staging “Hamlet” in multiple locations including the guidance suite, the tunnel overlooking the library and room No. 302.

In the meantime, the choir chose to compensate for the loss of both their accompaniment and sound system.

Senior Theo Simpleton, a member of the concert choir, suggested the solution of basing the Pops concert’s annual medley entirely on the 12 songs featured within the new karaoke machine.  The 12 songs are the top singles from 1978.

“Upon investigating the karaoke machine directory, I was disheartened with only twelve options, yet unquestionably rapturous by the fact that said options include ample disco numbers,” Simpleton said. “I venerate the Bee Gees.”

The choir is stayin’ alive despite their limited options.

Boone’s auditorium will be missed, but students say the new puppet stage and karaoke machine will create memories for new generations.